Heatwave? More like HeatDave
To all my UK readers, you might have noticed we’re currently in the grips of a somewhat ferocious heatwave. Saying that, a beautiful; some might even say perfect, storm may have long headed our way and cleared it by the time this goes live. Or it could still be in full swing and what remained of the earths population has since fled underwater, to the lost city of Craplantis, a place that promised so much, but ultimately turned out to be a little bit shite.
Down south in my little seaside town, we’re blessed with that most glorious of things, a sea breeze. Even so, temperatures hit the 32•C mark today, that’s 89.6• F to my 3 regular readers across the pond.
And before you get all uppity on your highest of horses, remember one simple thing, AC, or more importantly the lack of it. That’s right, we don’t have AC ANYWHERE, aside from maybe Buckingham Palace.
Dave probably has it in his bathroom too, along with all the sandwiches….
Spare a thought for the plethora of peeps working in dungeon like kitchens. That’s right, the British kitchen is much like the British person in general, unequipped to deal with hot weather. Also, much like the average British person it will waste no time in letting you know. Exploding fridges, imploding freezers, extraction units falling apart due to the poor welding and the heat making the joints fall apart. I’ve seen it all, and some. Except the 2nd one, that one I made up.
I know I’m probably not painting a great picture of the British public. Remember Brexit? That’s right, we actively chose to leave The European Union, albeit by the slightest of margins. Scrap that, our fucking Prime Minister gave us the choice!! Never give the common folk the power of choice. As we have proven so many times, we’re a bunch of mindless idiots. At the very best..
And before anyone mentions Trump, nobody chose him, Putin put him there.
Oh yeah, the heatwave. The problem is, in these situations everything comes to a standstill. People literally melt the fuck down, excuse the pun. I actually heard a story that some office workers on a 9-5 shift were complaining that it was to hot, so there office manager sent them home! How the fuck is an economy, especially one as shot to bits as ours, supposed to function with this kind of attitude?
Shit got real bro. Thought this was a light hearted read?
And I haven’t even started on having a baby during a heatwave.
It goes without saying that you make sure your little one is absolutely caked in factor 50, stays hydrated throughout the day and is kept out of direct sunlight.
But it’s sleep that’s a real S.O.B. A babies sleep conditions are a delicate subject at the best of times, let alone when the very walls that house them are melting into the foundations, creating a moat of molten cement and remorse.
Note to all, don’t drink extortionate amounts of coffee in a heatwave, even if it is an icy boi.
You know what, I’m not gonna go into it, it’s too toasty to tell what’s real anymore.
An absolutely essential item in our household at the moment is water in a can, not to be confused with the a watering can…
Look after one another, stay safe, hydrated and out of the midday sun and enjoy this image of a baby triceratops.
Thanks for reading and until next time